Saving Grace
by Tanzy
Summary: Obi-Wan angsts about his relationship with Qui-Gon after his master declares he will take another Padawan. (slash)


Star Wars Ficcie-chan

By Tanzy

Disclaimers: None of these characters belong to me, they belong to George Lucas. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue me. 'Sides, I don't' got no money anyway. ^^;;

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Obi-Wan stared at the lines and grooves etched in his palms as he attempted to concentrate on clearing his thoughts and focusing himself. That was the problem with focusing one's self, in order to do that one had to banish thoughts. But to banish one's thoughts one had to gain a semblance of mental order first. 'A paradox, it is. Impossible, it is not.' Master Yoda had once told a young frustrated Obi-Wan. 'Face your troubles sometimes, you must. Put them off forever, you cannot.' Sitting cross-legged on the floor next to his undisturbed bed in the Naboo transport, Obi-Wan tried again to clear his thoughts. The transport slid silently though space as Obi-Wan remained perfectly still, cruising on its way back to the besieged planet of Naboo. Queen Amidala was probably somewhere on the ship, preparing her plans to liberate her planet from the Trade Federation. How she planned to take her planet back with no army Obi-Wan had no idea, but that was of no concern to him. His orders were to protect the Queen and find her mysterious attacker, not become involved in a revolt against the Federation.

They weren't just his orders, Qui-Gon's as well. But Obi-Wan doubted that Qui-Gon would hesitate, if he was presented with the option of joining the rebellion. If Qui-Gon thought the cause charitable enough, he would pursue it at any price. Like that Gungen fool, JarJar, and the boy, Anakin. The faintest hint of resentment rose in the back of Obi-Wan's throat at the thought of the boy.

It had hurt when Qui-Gon had so casually flung him aside at the council. Not for a second did he doubt Qui-Gon's judgement about his being ready, but it still stung. Remembering how much he had hoped, tried, and fought to gain the position of Qui-Gon's padawan learner only to see how eager Qui-Gon was to accept this child. Obi-Wan knew their situations were different, he hadn't exactly been the rising prodigy at the Jedi Training Temple. In fact, the exact opposite, he had been the reject of the school, about to be forcibly 'graduated' to the Agri Corps. Even if Anakin was unique because of his unusually high concentration of midichlorians, why couldn't Qui-Gon see what the rest of the council saw? The boy was a menace, a coin spinning blindly through the air, it's landing uncertain. Which side of the force the boy would end up on, Obi-Wan could not tell, nor was he tempted to find out. Unlike his mentor, Obi-Wan felt no strong inclination to defy the council.

A fluttery feeling lodged itself within Obi-Wan's chest, just below his heart. Something was wrong with Qui-Gon. A moment later, Obi-Wan located the sensation; his master was very annoyed. The feeling transmitting itself through their shared link. Obi-Wan reflexively began to respond by sending comforting thoughts to his master before he stopped himself. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan weren't exactly on speaking terms anymore after the council's convening and their altercation on the launch pad. Qui-Gon had made it abundantly clear to Obi-Wan that his opinion was not needed or wanted.

Withdrawing into himself, Obi-Wan shut himself away from their communal link. Sighing in frustration, Obi-Wan rose from his position on the floor, giving up on his attempted mediation. He obviously wasn't getting anywhere with his thoughts running around as they were. Stripping off his over robe and the white one beneath it, Obi-Wan undressed himself lethargically, the days events and drain catching up to him. He had no intention of still being awake when his master returned to their shared room.

Obi-Wan almost felt sorry for Anakin Skywalker, with the shortage of rooms, he had been forced to share a room with the blathering, bumbling JarJar Binks. He could just imagine how little sleep the boy was getting. Pulling back the blanket to his bed, Obi-Wan settled himself within its warm confines. His clothes lay folded beneath his bunk, ready to be pressed into use at any moment. Obi-Wan wondered if his relationship with Qui-Gon would ever be the same after this. Before they had been more than just Master and Padawan, they had been lovers as well. Obi-Wan had been secretly dreading his ascendancy into knighthood, unsure of what changes it would bring in their relationship. Now that point was mute, Obi-Wan having been cast aside by Qui-Gon in favor of another apprentice. While the rational part of Obi-Wan knew that it was not a personal rejection, he couldn't help feeling tossed aside and forgotten.

The door to the room beeped softly once and slid open to let Qui-Gon enter the room. Obi-Wan hitched the blankets higher and withdrew into himself. Qui-Gon stood in the lighted doorway for a moment, peering into the darkened room at Obi-Wan. Walking over, Qui-Gon could feel the perceived rejection radiating from his apprentice, though Obi-Wan was attempting to hide it. Sighing to himself with infinite patience, Qui-Gon walked over and sat on the edge of the bed next the Obi-Wan's lying form.

"Padawan..." Qui-Gon trailed off, waiting to see if Obi-Wan would respond. Obi-Wan opened his eyes and opened his mouth to respond to his master's query when he felt Qui-Gon shift slightly. Thinking his master was about to continue, Obi-Wan remained silent, waiting for Qui-Gon to speak. Pushing himself off the bed, Qui-Gon sighed sadly, obviously his young padawan's pride was more damaged than he had thought. The living force that flowed through all living things whispered through Qui-Gon's veins, a sense of finality settled over him. It almost seemed as if this was a last chance of sorts. Something told him that if he didn't make amends with Obi-Wan now, he never would. But one couldn't force forgiveness, especially in one so stubborn and ornery as Obi-Wan. "Goodnight, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Qui-Gon whispered the sudden formality singing in dischord throughout the silent room. Obi-Wan's breath caught in his throat, the finality of those words echoing in his ears. Suddenly his hurt pride and rejection was insignificant in comparison to the gaping rift between Qui-Gon and himself. His lifetime stretching before him, unbearable without the man he loved. Qui-Gon was more than just Obi-Wan's teacher and lover, he was the intricate complexity that formed the other half of his soul, the compulsives to Obi-Wan's restraint, the fire to the ice that surrounded Obi-Wan's heart.

Sitting up and turning towards Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan tried to speak, his fear solidifying itself within his chest in throat.

"Master," Obi-Wan said breathlessly, his voice a raw rasp in the silence. Qui-Gon paused and turned to look at his sitting student. The sheets had fallen away from Obi-Wan and was pooled in his lap, his unclothed chest bared to the open. 

"I'm sorry Master. I should not have been so strong headed, it was wrong of me to criticize you. It was not my place." Qui-Gon smiled slightly and moved back over to Obi-Wan's bed.

"It's all right, my padawan, everyone makes mistakes upon occasion." Qui-Gon rested his hand on Obi-Wan's bare shoulder, rubbing the smooth skin slightly. "But I don't think that is what was really bothering you. Was it something to do with my asking to take Annie as my padawan?" Obi-Wan's cheeks turned slightly red, as he looked away, embarrassed that his problems were so obvious to his master. After a moment, Qui-Gon continued. "Did you really think that I would just forget about you once you became a knight? Do you think so little of our relationship that you think I would give it up so easily?" Obi-Wan didn't reply verbally, but by the sudden tensing of his shoulders beneath his hands, Qui-Gon got his answer. Pulling Obi-Wan close and enfolding him within the circle of his strong arms, Qui-Gon whispered in his ear, "Obi-Wan, it matters not to me if you are my padawan. When you pass the trials and become a Jedi Knight my love for you will not change. I love you Obi-Won Kenobi. I love you for your amusing practicality, your absentmindedness, your complete devotion and utter loyalty. You have shown me what no one else has. When I believed I was hopeless and could never trust another again, you showed me how to believe in others again. Because of you, I was able to face my own past and forgive myself. If it weren't for you, I would never have forgiven myself for Xanatos. I love you Obi-Wan Kenobi, because you complete me, you were and are my salvation." Obi-Wan stared into the crook of Qui-Gon's neck, speechless, stunned by the power of Qui-Gon's re-affirmation of love. The link between them overflowing with the power of their feelings.

"M, master..." Obi-Wan started but Qui-Gon interrupted him.

"No Obi-Wan, one day you will no longer be my apprentice, you will be my equal. We have always been equals in love. There have been no masters and no padawans. Call me by my name. Call me as an equal."

"Q, Qui-Gon..." Obi-Wan searched for the words to express his answering rush of emotions, but found none. The link they shared speaking more eloquently for the strength of his feelings that words ever could.

"Qui-Gon, I love you also." Qui-Gon smiled lovingly at the younger Jedi and learned forward, pressing Obi-Wan back into the bed. A moment later, Qui-Gon's robes fluttered to the ground next to Obi-Wan's folded ones. Gathering Obi-Wan's willing body closer to him, Qui-Gon lay in the bed and held tightly onto his redemption and saving grace.

~End~

It's a bad fic, an it needs serious revision, but for some reason I still like it. =)


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